Sad, Jane...

One night, I asked you if you still love me. Or will there ever come a time when you would love me like before? So much have changed, no matter how you deny it, I’ll be dead numb not to feel those changes… we’ve been to so much, the pretending, the loving, the hurting and the pretending part again… they were all real to me, even the pretensions…

I’ll never know for your sure about your side of the deal, but in this game that we play, I knew I lost. Because I knew I really love you. Again, I’ll never know for sure, but I did felt you loved me too… But that was then… I know it’s not the case anymore. How? Because I’ve been that road before with someone else… falling out of love!

After all the hardships I went through, thinking that I can put up with almost anything just to have you back… And I did! have you back that is… Why is it now that I’m asking you these questions- if those feelings you once felt for me still lingers or at least what’s left of it? And if not, will it ever come back? I thought I’m contented just having you here – with me… Maybe I thought wrong. Somehow, somewhere, deep inside me, something still longs for that affection you once showed and gave me…

I was afraid to ask you those questions before – maybe because I’m afraid to hear what I don’t want to… or maybe I’m just afraid you’ll be pissed off because every time I ask you questions of that tone, you start to irate, I’m afraid to lose you again…

But why is it now that I inquire response for these questions? Am I not afraid anymore of the answers? Am I not afraid anymore to hear what I don’t want to hear? Or am I more afraid now that I’m beginning to get used to these situations of ours…

I guess I’m not afraid anymore to hear that you don’t love me nor will it ever come back… I’m more afraid now that I’m just seeking validation for my feelings… because so much and so less have happened at the same time, I’m more afraid now, that it is me who’s beginning to lose the feeling…